Stupid Overly Positive Butterfly Metaphor.

It's been a few days. Not much has happened but I feel like everything's changed. I do have a renewed appreciation for the songs "Backstabber" by The Dresden Dolls and "Backstabber" by Ke$ha.

First of all, I'm serious this time. You've really become an ex-best friend. And I'm not upset about it in the least. Not an "I'm actually sad but I'm going to mask it with anger" kind of thing, but an actual happiness associated with losing you. So thank you. I finally feel free from everything you've put me through. This sounds so overly dramatic but that's ok. I'm gay, it happens. To quote Labyrinth, "You have no power over me." I'm such a dork. So yeah. That's that. I know you'll be in my life again but I will never, NEVER let you be a member of my wolf pack again.

I feel like I should apologize that my main topic will pretty much always be boys. I can't help it.

Anyway, next topic. Adorable Mr. Doe Eyes.
I have no idea what to think about him. I could easily want everything with him. I'm starting to want it already. My friend talks about this "pull". I think I finally know what she was talking about.

So I barely even know him, but I feel like I know him so well. I want to know everything about him. We text all the time and we've hung out twice. We might have our third date tonight (my first real third date ever, surprisingly). RANDOM TANGENT. Doe Eyes and I are the same person. But not in the bad way, in the way where something one of us says could easily come out of the other's mouth. Anyway. I know that I'll eventually want things to become more serious and possibly exclusive with him, if he even lets it get to that point.

Therein lies the problem. From what I've gathered, he is very anti-commitment at this point in his life. I am finally confident that he does like me back, and I think quite a bit. It takes a lot for me to think someone could be liking me, so I feel like I'm right about this. Anyway, he's given me some hints that he had his heart broken in the very recent past and he doesn't want to expose himself to hurt again. I understand, because from what he's said it was a situation between my own and that of my babygirl. He loved an asshole bestie. Whenever I describe my exbff to him, he gets weirded out because it was the exact same situation except they actually dated.

Occasionally I'll get him to open up to me. Doe Eyes will say things that I really need to question of him. He's already anticipating hurting me, and I need to stop him thinking that. The biggest thing that I've been thinking about is when he said "I don't want to hurt you. I'm dangerous when I'm not tied down." It's pretty obvious what that means but I have to confront him on it. He keeps telling me not to like him too much. I obviously like him a lot, but it's not like that. If he asked me to be exclusive with him, I would be on cloud nine. But I know the game, I'm realistic. I think we are more serious than most casual gay flings; we are by no means a couple. So I don't know. I'll do some nancy drew action and get back to you. I could talk about Doe Eyes forever but I'm gonna stop there before I embarrass myself any further.

I guess there's nothing left to do but rant about nothing. The informality of a blog is awesome. I don't care whether I sound crazy or even intelligent. I don't even give a fuck if anyone reads this. It just seems like I'll lie down, start thinking too much, and I'll need to write a post to clear my head. Why haven't I done this before?

I want some crab rangoons and my babygirl. And I've decided my next post will be about what I want, from the superficial to serious future talk.
Until then, watch out for the crazy. =) peace